Why does the word expert have an “ex” in it?  That cant be good.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want an “ex” anything working on my car, heart, shoe, etc…

But what is an expert? Is he a former pert?  WTF is a pert? Shampoo? So are all experts former shampoos?  This blows my mind!  Good luck out there people.

Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous

Don’t know what to do on that first or second date? Let Sports Hands! help!!!

Sports Hands! is a new and fun place to take a date!!!  Upon your arrival, you and your date would sit down with a hand analyzer professional.  He would closely look at both your and your date’s hands. Then, he would quickly run through some hand equations and finally recommend a mutual sport for you and your date based on both of your hand types!

He would supply you with the necessary equipment for your mutual sport and send you both on your “Sports Hands!” date. 

If you would like a professional trainer to accompany you on your date, that can be arranged for a minimal fee.

Here are some examples of recent clients that went on to date many many more times:

Him – long, hairless, complex, and pasty hands
Her – dainty, peach fuzz on the lower phalanges, slightly distressed, but strong and comfortable hands
Their sport: Shuffleboard

Him – very dark hands, wiry black hair only on the knuckles, super wide, well manicures fingernails
Him – soft hands with a callous on the right pointer finger
Their sport: Speed walking

Him – severely chapped
Her – delicate, all knowing, somewhat dexterous, strong willed hands
Their sport: Word board games – boggle and scrabble

E-mail us at sportshands at ineedtostopsoon dot com for more information on locations and bookings!

Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous

I designed Shin Guard Armor for people with a fear of sharp objects.  Comes in a nice contemporary samurai design and can be easily put on and worn throughout the day. Never be scared of sharp object again!!

Also protects against certain bug bites, flying objects, stray punches and kicks, prickly plants, and unseen objects you may bump into in the dark. Available in white only.

(from the ineedtostopsoon.com archives)

Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous

Finishing up the twitter drawings! These are some of the 100 drawings that will be sent out to 100 people that added me on twitter from 366 to 466.  It was fun but lots of work to mail 100 things.  I don’t even think I have mailed 100 things in the last 15 years.

BTW, Vision Quest is a company I started for the sole excuse to make silly letter head.

Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous