50 things that happened this week

1) I was taking pictures of clouds Tuesday while exiting the 101, some guy started honking at me. I politely pulled over and flipped him off. He reversed his car, blocked mine in, got out, first tried to get into my car, couldn’t, then started punching my passenger side window. Moral: Don’t take pictures while driving. New TV show on PBS: From Clouds to Road Rage: America in the Crosshairs. New TV show on SPIKE: Crazy Best of Moments of LA Roadrage. Here is a pic of the clouds and a pic of the guy after he got done assaulting my car.

2) I put off my taxes for yet another week.
3) REALLY quit smoking – it’s been 11 days today
4) I had a dream about three talking logs that just floated in space. One of them was blinking from the inside like ET’s finger.
5) I can’t stop plucking my beard hairs – I’ve picked out an entire patch leaving it bald – it looks so stupid now.
6) I think Miami Dolphins should change their name to the Miami Caviars; Dolphins are so last year.
7) I came across a banana peel hanging from a tree; it was epic.

8) I have thousands of gnats in my apartment cause I over-water my plants. I tried baiting them into a jar of vinegar but I think my gnats have evolved and become much smarter than that.
9) I was approached for change 3 times.
10) Invented a new housing solution – Hovercraft Homes. We have all this air space, why not have homes hovering over other homes?
11) Threw out my 5 year expired aspirin.
12) Saw two men in sombreros jumping rope.
13) Almost bought the domain hella.tv
14) Finally got good enough at Guitar Hero to play on medium level.
15) I tried levitating things again – this is not as easy as they make it look.
16) Wondered why there isn’t an all-Jewish cellphone company, then realized that Jews are too neurotic to put electronics together.
17) Hid $20 in my apartment and I’m trying to forget where I hid it.
18) Thought of some top-secret plans for Michael Winslow.
19) What would happen if dairy-free guy met wrinkle-free man?
20) Listened to my fair share of bullshit.
21) Looked up a “Ron Pearl” in the phone book and gave him a call – it turned out to be quite awkward.
22) Contemplated taking Ritalin for a brief moment.
23) I’m going to skip this.
24) Thought several times to myself over the course of the week – “They used to make them better.”
25) Listened to my fair share of Daft Punk.
26) Drank 7 beers.
27) Bought my mom a gift.
28) Spilled a bunch of water on my hardwood floor and left it there.
29) Entered 92 different doorways (this was painful to keep track of).
30) Lost at the California lottery.
31) Bought my first book on tape.
32) Realized we DO need more robots.
33) Learned about someone’s secret passcode – “heybaby.”
34) I’d like to take this line to thank you for welcoming me into your circle.
35) Neat
36) Heard a story about a friend who wiped his ass on a date’s shower curtain because there was no toilet paper.
37) Finally broke down and went to buy Polo Cologne. They were out. So sad.
38) Heard a story about someone’s house getting really robbed, but the burglars left a sheet of acid wrapped in tin foil in the freezer.
39) Saw an incredible movie – “The Host” – Go see it!!!
40) Saw a not-so-incredible movie – “Idiocracy” – Don’t go see it!!!
41) Made a vow to myself and broke it.
42) Got a portable DVD player so I can watch movies from the shower.
43) Joined all my hard drives together for the first time ever. All those fans and weird computer noises – so powerful!
44) Put too much moisturizer on my hands and now they are all prune-like and it won’t go away.
45) Baghdad – such a mess!
46) Happened upon the scene of a stabbing. Who stabs people anymore!?!?
47) Had a dream last night that I traveled back in time to San Francisco 1981 punk scene. While there, I got a call on my cell phone? It was my friend Joe, he was there too. I couldn’t get over the fact that our cell phones worked in 1981 with no cell phone towers. A major breakthrough folks!
48) I saw this guy at an art opening. I’ve always wondered about people that take their parrots out in public. They always have poop on the back of their shirt and don’t really care – that’s just strange.

49) Went to the arcade and interviewed a bunch of kids that play Mortal Kombat.

50) Bought some of these T.G.I. Friday’s Bacon and Cheddar potato skins and ate them with cinnamon toast crunch cereal. Note: NOT a good combination.