A Nasty Voice Mail

Here’s a message some kind fan left on my voice mail.

“yeah… this is chuck, and I’ve been waiting for you marc hershawitz (Note: not my last name)
my wife, I caught my wife looking at pictures of you, telling me she wants to fuck you

let me tell you something mother fucker
you wanna talk to her about fucking? talk to me about fuckin’, I’ll beat you down like a stupid bag of bricks,

You better get your shit about you right… I’ll have dinner and your paying, you son of a bitch, and I’ll fix you up good and proper if you don’t leave a tip,
(a voice in the background) : tell him my car needs washing

Yeah, and Ed’s car needs a washin, people are dying in the street and you’re trying to take my lady out dinner you fuckin faggot.”

I’m thinking to myself, “I don’t want people to die in the street. I just want to talk to people about life. I don’t want to be called a faggot, or wash his car, or fuck his girlfriend. Man this is good coffee.”