Beefstakes ’84, by Zach

May 10, 2007

Sir or Madam,

Enclosed is my winning ticket in the “Beefstakes ‘84.” I would like to request that in lieu of my “GE Microwave Oven,” I would like to be awarded in “3 oz. jars of Hickory Farms Mustard” equivalent to the value of the oven. We do not have electricity, but are generally very hungry. If that cannot be arranged, please enclose a portion of a “New Dodge Caravan.” Even if you just send the tires, the countess believes that if we could just make it down the long hill and away from our crumbling estate, we’ll be that much closer to a better life in America. Every little bit helps.

Please excuse the lateness of my redemption. We happened upon a long-forgotten Red Cross cache of “Original Beef Sticks” while digging for Stalin’s gold.

Thank you,

Count Alonzo

Plovdiv, Bulgaria

[tags]Zach Ayers Beefstakes[/tags]