Totally inspired by Garry’s ingenious moneymaking scheme (see yesterday’s post), I’ve made my own. I plan on sending this out to everyone I know and everyone they know and everyone they know. Basically the whole world.
Helllo,
I am Harrry and would like to make an order of a Porcelain Lunchbox and would like to know the types you having in stock and also the prices as well as the mehtod of payment that you accept because i want it to be shipped to my Echo Park Center in Los Angeles United States and would like to make a larg order of it and hope to hear from you ASAP
Best Regards
Harrry
[tags]garry harry spam marc horowitz porcelain lunchbox ode[/tags]
Filed under ------- 004 Spam, intss blog by on Jun 5th, 2007. Comment. 
I received actually received this e-mail. I’m totally serious, this is not made-up, this really came into my inbox.
——– Original Message ——–
Subject: very urgent order
Date: Thu, 10 May 2007 07:53:45 -0700 (PDT)
From: garry hasla
To: marc@ineedtostopsoon.com
Hello,
am Garry and would like to make an order of a Excercise Bike and would like to know the types you having in stock and also the prices as well as the mehtod of payment that you accept because i want it to be shipped to my Guym center i Ghana West Africa and would like to make a larg order of it and hope to hear from you ASAP
Best Regards
Garry
————————————————————————
I have no idea how Garry came up with this genius plan to buy a large order of exercise bikes from me. What are the chances of him knowing that I run an underground wholesale exercise equipment business? That little sneaky Garry.
I e-mailed him all my bank and credit card info, and I suggest if there is anyone else out there with a business like mine (wink-wink), you need to e-mail Garry right away. This truly could be our flight to financial freedom.
My Friend, Zach Ayers, thought that I made up the above e-mail from Garry, probably due to my sarcastic response. He went ahead and e-mailed Garry a nice little note. It goes as follows:
——– Original Message ——–
From: Zach Ayers
Date: Jun 4, 2007 11:33 AM
Subject: Please exercise me please?
To: garryoffice@yahoo.com
Grarry,
I have hoped you could pay me bike for exercise. Legs are strong and need strong bike. How much for your wife? Your wife and little girl? How much?
Bobo
[tags]marc horowitz underground wholesale exercise equipment business[/tags]
Filed under ------- 004 Spam, intss blog by on Jun 3rd, 2007. 1 Comment.
A giraffe neck body pillow!!!
For some reason, these pillows get shipped in huge crates like the one above!?!
LOVE 4 LIFE!
Filed under ------- 003 How to Get Someone to Love You, intss blog by on Jun 1st, 2007. 1 Comment.
This week’s theme: How to Get Someone to Love You
Situation:
You’re a man and this is the first or second date with a girl you like. Things go well, so you both decide to go back to your place. Here’s what you should do:
1) Make sure you clean your toilet. Girls don’t like filthy toilets.
2) Place a few scented candles around the place and plug in a nightlight somewhere; those things make people feel safe for some reason.
3) Have a few ALIVE plants around so you look like a nature lover/ someone who can take care of something else. Pets are better than plants here, and both are a guaranteed homerun.
4) Photoshop yourself on a few book covers and cover really big books with them – claim you wrote them or they are about you. She’ll be very impressed! She’ll probably want to look at them, don’t stop her. Instead, have all the pages glued together – say it was a mean prank your friend Joe pulled on you. Bonus points: have your date’s name in the title and go on about “I know, what are the chances.”
5) Make your bed and move the TV close to it. If you have other TVs, hide them. While you are on your date, find out her favorite movies. For example, “Cocoon” and “Terms of Endearment.” Say, “Wow, what a coincidence, I just rented those, I have them at home.” Excuse yourself, call your buddy and have him rent those two movies and leave them by the TV. Important note: make sure he rents one wildcard movie, in this case, “Awakenings.” When she comes back to your place, has downed a few beers from eating the salty foods you laid out, ask her if she’d like to just watch a bit of one of her favorite movies. You’ll have to watch them while sitting on the bed, which most likely will lead to other things.
6) Have some people leave really important messages on your answering machine. At some point, either right when you get home or after you’ve offered her a beverage, say that you were expecting an important call and you need to check your messages. Go and check the answering machine – play it loud so she can clearly hear it. Here are a few examples messages:
“Hi (your name here) this is Tim Johnson with the US Department of Public Transportation. It was wonderful meeting you last week and we’ve decided to go ahead with your proposal on biothermal powered public buses. We just need to do some paperwork before we can officially get you the long-overdue research funding. Please give a call at your earliest convenience.”
“Hey (your name here), it’s Todd. Call me back man.” (You have to have at least one of these to make it more real)
“Hello (your name here). It’s Gina Smith with Harvard’s Department of Criminal Justice. We would like to schedule a time in November for you to give the students a lecture on your incredible Panopticon research. Please call my office at your earliest convenience. 617-495-1000.”
“Hey (your name here). It’s Sam over at GQ, can you shoot Will Ferrell tomorrow for July’s cover story. That’d be awesome, oh, and sorry for the short notice, you can do it over at Anthem Studios in Hollywood. The shoot begins at 8am, Annie Leibovitz backed out at the last minute, she can be SO hard to deal with. I’m ranting, call my cell right away. 917.846.9876. Thanks so much, I owe you one.”
7) Have your place a bit warm (e.g. turn on the heat). This does one of two things or both, girls tend to run a bit on the cooler side, so she will be comfortable and/or clothing has to be shed, jackets, long shirts and shoes. This is slightly creepy and you may not want to follow through with this one.
[tags]marc horowitz first date home things todo love lover loving possible future creative solutions[/tags]
Filed under ------- 003 How to Get Someone to Love You, intss blog by on May 29th, 2007. 3 Comments.
I bring to you Handy Hand a.k.a. Omnidexterous. This eventually happens to humans because we need to type faster than ever in the future where there is so much information to keep track of and so many people to keep in touch with.
The above picture scared the hell out of my mom, so much she had to turn her computer off. She asked me to make a cuter version. I took off all but two little hands and it is still scary. Sorry Mom.
[tags]marc horowitz handy hand evolution typing faster[/tags]
Filed under ------- 002 Evolution, intss blog by on May 25th, 2007. 4 Comments.
Kraft Buys Moon
The evolution of advertising. Kraft purchases the Moon from Neil Armstrong (who, it turns out, legally owns it because he signed his name in the dust first). Kraft uses the Moon as a giant billboard and deems it “Space Kraft.” After the initial chuckle, citizens of Earth begin to protest the Moon’s defacing. Outrage is heightened when Kraft’s CEO, Chuck Roberts, gave a speech earlier this morning, claiming “Kraft had every right to do this because the Moon is ours and I always believed the satellite was made of cheese.” Earth’s profit participation in Kraft brings new intergalactic wealth to the planet, sending Alpha Centauri’s Jabooli Centavo in the toilet.
Doritos (Frito Lay) Stakes Claim to the Giza Pyramids
The evolution of advertising. Doritos (Frito Lay) originally wanted to replace the sand around the Pyramids with “orange cheese dust,” but environmentalists protested the action claiming it would not only wreak havoc on the local flora and fauna but could cause terrible allergic reactions in humans (much like Doritos do). Doritos (Frito Lay) and lobbyists eventually reached a compromise – print the Doritos logo on the Pyramids themselves. The Egyptian government is pleased with the new source of revenue, but tourists are displeased.
Viagra’s New Guerilla Campaign, A Success?
The evolution of advertising. US Citizens were appalled today when Viagra painted their logo on the Washington Monument, not because they ruined an American icon, but because it was just too damn obvious. Coca-Cola, the owner of the monument, is suing.
Harrahs Final Clenches the Hoover Dam Lease
This is just sad.
[tags]marc horowitz advertising hovver dam washington monument cocacola coke viagra kraft moon neil armstrong giza pyramids doritos frito lay[/tags]
Filed under ------- 002 Evolution, intss blog by on May 24th, 2007. Comment.
We are so stressed in the future because of over-population, over-stimulation, and increasing demands that we evolve to grow a “skin chimney” or a stressus propulus that looks much like a snork on the top left side of our head’s. It keeps us from having a stroke by spewing forth blood clots and strange gunk in times of stress.
The skin chimney grows in size with us and as we get older it sags. Stressed out peoples sag early, but there is medication, corrective surgery, and braces to help with that. Lot’s of folks customize their “chimney” – getting it tattooed like a brick chimney, encrusting it in gold dust or diamonds for that bling-bling look, mutilating and piercing it, etc.
just feel the left side of your head now, feel that little bump? It’s gonna happen and you read it here first.
[tags]evolution marc horowitz stress[/tags]
Filed under ------- 002 Evolution, intss blog by on May 22nd, 2007. 3 Comments.
In the future there are no public restrooms and traffic becomes so horrible that you can’t ever make it anywhere in time to pee. So naturally with these impediments, our bladders evolve and become 5 – 7 times its current size so that we can hold our pee for 14 – 18 hours.
Amazing how the bladder grows down over the upper quadriceps femoris. Just incredible!
p.s. I had a dream last night that I went ahead and had a surgery to make my bladder bigger. It such a weird dream. The doctor was taunting me, do you want to be true to your work, then do this, make your bladder bigger as an example. I did, it was strange.
[tags]evolution bladder future marc horowitz[/tags]
Filed under ------- 002 Evolution, 001 Imagination, intss blog by on May 21st, 2007. 2 Comments.
This is so much fun!!! This was my friend Joe’s Idea. All you do is yell “over here” on a crowded street, in a store, from your car, wherever. Yell and watch. This video is kinda bad, but you get the point. Do it yourself and post videos to the over here group.
Notice everyone else looking about – “who the hell is he yelling at?”
Sorry for the bad video quality. More of these to come.
[tags]joe reihsen marc horowitz over here new game[/tags]
Filed under 001 Imagination, 037 Video, intss blog by on May 20th, 2007. Comment.
This really exists, Union Square Parking Garage, San Francisco.
Starting this day forth, every week I will post a theme, like this past week’s theme was evil, and I will make posts according to that theme. Weekends will be “free days” for all the other stuff. Seems good. You like that idea or is it too confining?
Sneak peak of next week’s theme………………………………………………………………………..evolution.
Filed under 001 Imagination, 011 Weekly Themes, intss blog by on May 19th, 2007. 2 Comments.
