I designed Shin Guard Armor for people with a fear of sharp objects. Comes in a nice contemporary samurai design and can be easily put on and worn throughout the day. Never be scared of sharp object again!!
Also protects against certain bug bites, flying objects, stray punches and kicks, prickly plants, and unseen objects you may bump into in the dark. Available in white only.
(from the ineedtostopsoon.com archives)
Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous
Filed under intss blog by on Sep 23rd, 2008. 2 Comments. 
Don’t know what to do on that first or second date? Let Sports Hands! help!!!
Sports Hands! is a new and fun place to take a date!!! Upon your arrival, you and your date would sit down with a hand analyzer professional. He would closely look at both your and your date’s hands. Then, he would quickly run through some hand equations and finally recommend a mutual sport for you and your date based on both of your hand types!
He would supply you with the necessary equipment for your mutual sport and send you both on your “Sports Hands!” date.
If you would like a professional trainer to accompany you on your date, that can be arranged for a minimal fee.
Here are some examples of recent clients that went on to date many many more times:
Him – long, hairless, complex, and pasty hands
Her – dainty, peach fuzz on the lower phalanges, slightly distressed, but strong and comfortable hands
Their sport: Shuffleboard
Him – very dark hands, wiry black hair only on the knuckles, super wide, well manicures fingernails
Him – soft hands with a callous on the right pointer finger
Their sport: Speed walking
Him – severely chapped
Her – delicate, all knowing, somewhat dexterous, strong willed hands
Their sport: Word board games – boggle and scrabble
E-mail us at sportshands at ineedtostopsoon dot com for more information on locations and bookings!
Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous
Filed under intss blog by on Sep 22nd, 2008. Comment.
Why does the word expert have an “ex” in it? That cant be good. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want an “ex” anything working on my car, heart, shoe, etc…
But what is an expert? Is he a former pert? WTF is a pert? Shampoo? So are all experts former shampoos? This blows my mind! Good luck out there people.
Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous
Filed under intss blog by on Sep 18th, 2008. 1 Comment.
Filed under 004 The Center For Improved Living, intss blog by on Sep 17th, 2008. Comment.
LOS ANGELES, Wednesday – After years and years of Research & Development in an underground Stanford laboratory, scientists have finally unveiled what has been hailed as “the best” solution for the ever-growing Los Angeles traffic problem: “The Not-So-Invisible Giant Hand,” or simply, “Big Hand.”
Over 200 years after Adam Smith’s economic theory of an “Invisible Hand,” Governor Schwarzenegger’s traffic theory of a “Not-So-Invisible Hand” is finally realized, bringing past and present together once again.
“The time was right,” Schwarzenegger proclaimed. “After all, these hands have something we want – a firm grip on traffic control. And we also as well have also something that they want – cars. Who are we to keep these big hands from their desires?”
Scientists describe the Big Hand propulsion system as “A combination of an advanced sub-atomic jet and good ol’ fashioned black magic.” This supernatural speed allows the Big Hands to arrive at the scene of an accident up to 3,501 times faster than law enforcement, tow trucks, or emergency services. The Big Hands are also equipped with a 360-degree digital camera and were given temporary CPR licenses.
When asked if the Big Hands would be given the ability to administer mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, one scientist replied, “That’d just be weird.”
Seventy-five “Not-So-Invisible Giant Hands” were deployed today in Los Angeles. Witnesses on I-5 describe the Big Hands as “really Goddamn scary giant hands.” This morning, one car’s highway collision with a guardrail served as the first Big Hands traffic assistance.
The driver, 75-year-old Max Melmo, describes the scene:
“I was just resting my head on the airbag when a Big Hand peeled back my roof and carried me away in its fist. Once I arrived at the impound lot, several hours had passed and there was snow on the ground. When I asked where I was, the Big Hand stuck out its middle finger and flew away. It turns out this was definitely not the right impound lot and, to make matters worse, I believe the Big Hand stole my wallet. I have the strange feeling that soon these Big Hands will put us under their thumbs and will destroy the human race.”
The Los Angeles Police Department is looking into these accusations.
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Filed under 001 Imagination, intss blog by on Sep 16th, 2008. Comment.
This is one of the first social projects I documented. I’ve never dragged it out until now.
For this project, “How Bout a Burrito at My Favorite Place?,” I posted an ad on craigslist.org asking people to join me for a burrito at my favorite taco truck in Oakland, CA. We met up at a specified time and ordered together. After ordering, I took a picture of my meal date with their food. We then ate together, discussing whatever. When we finished, I took a photo of their “burrito sculpture,” (a.k.a their trash).
It’s nice to see a person, take into account what they do and who they are, and then see how they fidget with thier leftover food and trash eventually completing a sculpture.
Peter Leonard – Collage Artist and Graphic Designer
Bruce Bortin – Activist
Joe Guzman- Photographer
Rene & Chris – Students
I had to put this project to an end because I received over 900 requests and I ate burritos 2-3 times a day which made me really fat.
Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous
Filed under 001 Imagination, intss blog by on Sep 16th, 2008. Comment.
Live the dream and make yourself a ship in a bottle!
1) get two plastic bottles and cut them in half (arrowhead 1 liter are the best)
2) draw and color your ship on both sides
3) tape or glue your ship horizontally on one of the cut bottle bottoms
4) merge the other bottle bottom with the one you just adhered the ship to
5) glue or tape the bottle bottoms together
6) take a bottle top and make a stand for your ship in a bottle by placing the wide side down and adhering the drinking hole part to the bottom of your ship in a bottle.
You probably don’t need instructions to do this, but I can’t imagine a craft project without instructions. Make a ship in a bottle and post it to the flickr group “Ship in a Bottle” – www.flickr.com/groups/shipinabottle/
By doing this, you’ll most likely win someone over.
Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous
Filed under 001 Imagination, intss blog by on Sep 16th, 2008. Comment.
I froze my overdue library book before returning it, cause the library froze my account due to previous late return fees. They charged for the whole book saying it was ruined. I tried arguing that I was doing them a favor by preserving it like they did Walt Disney. They didn’t find it amusing.
I don’t suggest you do this prank on your public library, but… next time you pay a parking ticket, freeze your check, put it on some dry ice, put it in a little styrofoam container, and send it in. That’ll show em… sort of.
Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous
Filed under 021 The Library Prank, intss blog by on Sep 15th, 2008. Comment.
Paris based Nuke Magazine has asked me to contribute to their upcoming edition, themed chance.
Rather than write a boring article or take more pointless photos, I thought I’d ask you guys a question about chance on TCFIL site and then publish your answers.
To participate and be published in a magazine in Paris (which WILL make your freinds jealous) visit http://thecenterforimprovedliving.blogspot.com/2008/09/question-305.html and answer the question.
Thanks for participating!
m a
r c
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Filed under intss blog by on Sep 12th, 2008. Comment.
My Trip across America is Complete!!! Tune in for the last episode! A game show involving a 9 foot tall ice pyramid with a briefcase frozen inside, a water chugging competition between two 9 year olds, and a crazed girl throwing mayonnaise. This is not to be missed!
From Crackle:
Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous
Filed under 040 Signature Series, intss blog by on Sep 12th, 2008. 1 Comment.
