An excerpt from Robot Boy’s autobiography:
In 1966, I had received a letter from the draft board informing me that I was going to Vietnam. I had been very content at MIT, counting the stars in the sky and deducing the feasibility of God. The US Government, however, saw use for me elsewhere – in the rice paddies of Southeast Asia. Alas, I was not a senator’s son’s robot nor did I have the vaccinations necessary to enter Canada. With no other option, I was immediately dispatched to a top secret Air Force base and flown under cover of darkness across the Pacific Ocean.
While en route, I received a phone call from President Johnson via my internal military band com-link. He said “Hey Robot Boy, you’re the only Goddam chance we’ve got out there against Communism. I want you to assassinate Ho Chi Minh. You do this and I’ll get you that female robot you’ve been asking for. Johnson out.” I will admit that the President’s offer was hard to refuse, but how would I gain access, let alone kill Ho Chi Minh? It had then occurred to me that Johnson believed that I was a killing machine rather than a counting machine. Little did he know, until this 26 hour flight, I had never left Cambridge. Before I could discuss this mistake with my military attaché, I was tossed off the back of the C-130 without a parachute. I was officially in “the shit.” Eight seconds later, I was captured.
My North Vietnamese captors took an immediate fondness of me, finding great use in my reflective aluminum frame to cook chicken. They were surprised to find that I could speak their language, but were incised when, after inserting a few hundred hao into my data slot, I would not sing their tribal songs. I had been mistaken for a jukebox. As a last-ditch effort, I recited pi to a million places to no avail. I was immediately moved to the American POW camp. This is where I met the beautiful Trung Nhi, sipping spring water from a lily. I suddenly found myself torn between completing my assassination mission and finding out about love. But that, as they say, is another story.
[tags]zach ayers robot boy vietnam[/tags]
Filed under 034 Zach Ayers, intss blog by on Apr 18th, 2007. Comment. 
Yeeehaw!! I have a new project that I’m totally excited about! Here it is, the big unveiling (this is where I remove the big sheet)!
http://thecenterforimprovedliving.blogspot.com/
Here’s how this new site works:
Everyday, I will post a different action for you to do on http://thecenterforimprovedliving.blogspot.com/. All you have to do is post your response in the comment section of the action. You can complete any action at any time. That’s it – no gimmicky bullshit, just pure curiosity and excitement.
Soon, I hopefully will have the answer to being able to post images and video in the comments section so we can realize much more visual projects. But in the meantime they will be text based. If you know this answer, let me know.
[tags]center for improved living marc horowitz action actions[/tags]
Filed under 004 The Center For Improved Living, intss blog by on Apr 17th, 2007. 1 Comment.
“hey everyone! I’m from the future. Don’t eat healthy foods, they’re the actual cause of death.”
brought to you by McDonalds-WalMart-Starbucks Inc.
[tags]corporate sponsored fish future mcdonalds marc horowitz healthy foods[/tags]
Filed under 001 Imagination, intss blog by on Apr 15th, 2007. 1 Comment.
Toilet Seat Covers – Why are they so pathetic!??!! I remember when I saw my first toilet seat cover – I thought, ” finally I will never have to lay down toilet paper again!” Wrong – 8 times out of 10 I usually resort to the old fashioned method of carefully placing pieces of TP round the seat.
Those damn covers always rip when you try to get them out of the perforated box. Then you have to carefully tear out the center part, and once you get that all worked out on your 2nd or 3rd try, you have lay it down just right or the center part starts taking water too fast and the whole damn thing sinks into the bowl. To top that, at the sort of establishments I hang out, there is usually no lock on the stall door, making it a bit more urgently painful. And god knows whose what sort of rump has touched that seat before mine!
Here are a few techniques that you may wish to consider if you are suffering from toilet seat cover frustration:
Make a rubber seat cover and carry it with you.
Lacquer your ass.
Use the hover technique.
Ask management to install Turkish toilets.
Hold it in using a cork or sheer will.
Use my newly patented pending NIKE AIR TOILET and never again sit on a dirty seat.
(I’m trying to get Nike to sponsor this, then I can put a swoosh on the side – The Nike Air Toilet!!! Awesome. If you know anyone over there let me know)
But really in the end, what are you going to get from a toilet seat anyhow? As Columbia University’s Health Promotion Program sums it up: “Because toilet seats are not major culprits in spreading disease, paper or plastic seat covers offer little more than peace of mind. In fact, you have more to fear from bathroom door handles and faucets than from commodes.”
So all this for nothing.
[tags]toilet seat covers marc horowitz nike air poop pee dirty columbia university health promotion program[/tags]
Filed under 001 Imagination, intss blog by on Apr 13th, 2007. 2 Comments.
If you can’t afford a pool, we’ll build you a fake gold mine shaft entrance. That way it looks as if you have something really important going on and there absolutely is no time for a pool.
Your neighbors will think you’re gonna be rich, the kids will forget all about the idea of a pool, and you can finally hold family events at your house, impressing everyone due to your new found fortune.
Bring one of the most popular 19th century landscaping ideas into the 21st century.
Don’t miss this GOLDEN opportunity. If you call within the next 9 days, we’ll throw in a free burro and ten feet of rail.
[tags]marc horowitz home decorating fake gold mine shaft entrance 21st century[/tags]
Filed under 001 Imagination, intss blog by on Apr 12th, 2007. Comment.
Filed under 001 Imagination, 034 Zach Ayers, intss blog by on Apr 11th, 2007. Comment.
Here’s how it works: Someone would open the suitcase and a fan would fill a big bag and it would quickly engulf the whole room forcing everyone to leave. Someone may get trapped, that is the excitement, being 1/10,000 over the threshold of safety with this project. So in a way it’s way better than any car chase movie you’ll see.
[tags]suitcase, patrons, art, marc, horowitz, big, fan, bag, air, science, fun, car, chase, movie, 1/10000[/tags]
Filed under 001 Imagination, intss blog by on Apr 10th, 2007. Comment.
I had a dream the other day that I was driving through a tunnel and my car got stuck in it. So I ran down the hill to try and find help. None found. So I ran back up the hill. Suddenly I was decked out in sweat runner’s gear and the hill became something totally different than the one I ran down. It looked like the lush green hills of Whales. There were tons of people around and I began climbing this strange brick wall to get to this orchard-like spot where everyone was headed. I asked these two guys, that looked like Irish plumbers, what the big deal was all about. They said there was a big party at the mansion up top. okay.
I followed them. They said they had to make a quick detour and ran off behind this broken down brick wall. I carefully, quietly followed them and peeked around the wall. The two guys jumped into this huge bubbling pit of mud and then quickly were shot out as mud people. Then one of them jumped backwards and midair he began to grow in size. Eventually he splattered against the side of a dilapited brick building and totally melded with it. Now he was this gigantic brick creature and he jumped down to the ground and started walking toward me. As he did, he began to transform into a normal-sized transvestite. (s)He escorted me into the party which was full of playboys, beautiful people, Hollywood agents – 1930’s Los Angeles glamor style. I was taken around to all these different rooms by my new friend, but all I could think about was if my stuck car was ok. That’s all I can remember.
I tried looking this up on one of those dream interpretation sites, but I couldn’t find mud person transvestite. If you have any ideas, please let me know.
Regardless, this was way better than any Harry Potter movie.
[tags]mud people dream transvestite harry potter 1930s los angeles hollywood[/tags]
Filed under 001 Imagination, intss blog by on Apr 6th, 2007. Comment.
