on my mind…

1) First up, failed inventions. I thought for sure this would work. A plunger paper towel holder. Eh?

2) Call the IRS – 800.829.8374. Listen to the automated female voice. It’s so hot! Why can’t I date that voice? It would be so much easier and cheaper then the real dating process. I could just occasionally call her and she could comfort me, “welcome to the internal revenue service, our office is currently closed… TOUCH TONE… REFUND… PRESS.” OH GOD!!!!!!

I could send the IRS automated female voice frozen TV dinners on dry ice and the occasional flower. I could spoon with my cordless while she asks me to press and say things! It could be soooooo good! The IRS really ought to consider having a 900 number for people like me; they’d make a killing.

3) I had a very Jewish day yesterday – I went to two doctors and a lawyer. Amazing! This kinda stuff makes my mom so proud! I made this lovely photo whilst at my first doctor’s appt. I have strep throat – sucks! I have to take these huge day glow pills that have “ET” written on them.

4) I had a really messed-up dream about a week ago where there were all these crocodiles running around a pool. One of em tried attacking me – I grabbed it and struggled with it a bit until I realized I could turn the bastard into a pot of coffee and pour him into the pool. What the fuck kinda super power is that, “Yeah I can turn crocks into coffee.”

“Oh yeah, well, I can turn stingrays into diet coke.”

I’ll miss you Steve Irwin; that would have served you well.

Anyhow, this oddly gave me the idea of an animal attack amusement park! Think about get trampled by a stampede of giraffes, or getting the shit kicked out of you by an angry pack of orangutans, or covering up in meat and having a bunch of hyenas go to town on you. How exhilarating!!!!! You would of course be wearing protective gear designed by our buddy Troy Hurtubise, who, by the way is incredible.

See it now – “Project Grizzly” starring Troy Hurtubise

Here’s some info:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troy_Hurtubise

Discovery Channel’s Fire Paste Video